Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally.
“What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the bag and, smiling, said, “It’s a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband.”
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade.”

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy!
Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. “You bastard!!!” says the husband. “My wife’s having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?”

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, “Shore is, little lady.
Why don’t you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?”
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, “Well, thankee, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.”
“Don’t be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”

As a man stepped out of the shower, he heard someone in the kitchen downstairs. Knowing that his wife was out, he grabbed his 1903 heirloom rifle, which no longer works, and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that he was in his birthday suit.
He came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find his wife loading the dishwasher. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him.”
Scanning the contours of his doughy, naked body, she mumbled, “You didn’t need the gun.”

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husbands’ marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed
to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Wella, I’va tried to
treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!’

The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’
Giuseppe proudly replied, ” I gonna go picka her up.”

A man looking for love sent his picture to the Lonely Hearts Club.
The reply came back, “We are not that lonely.”

A young woman ask another:
– So, still in love with your paratrooper?
– No, I dropped him

When Ralph first noticed that his thing was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks, his thing had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Ralph became quite concerned as he was having problems dressing, and walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph’s condition could be fixed using corrective surgery.
“How long will Ralph be on crutches?” the wife asked anxiously.
“Crutches why would he need crutches?” responded the surprised doctor.
“Well,” said the wife coldly, “you’re gonna lengthen his legs, aren’t you?

Women are Angels.
And when someone breaks our wings,
We simply continue to fly….on a broomstick.
We are flexible like that.

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.” The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.” The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”