What do you call an elf that sings?
ELFIS

A Christmas Reminder:

Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Santa saw your Facebook photos.
You’re getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas

Dear Santa,
I don’t want much for Christmas, I just want the person reading this to be happy.
Friends are the fruit cake of life- some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet but mix them together and they’re my friends. Have a great break and stay safe over the Christmas period.
Cheers :-]
Send this to all your fruit cakes.

What is the one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning?
Their husband

Where do you find reindeer? It depends on where you leave them!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!

Did you hear about the cleaner who stole the office calendar last Christmas? She got 12 months.

Fruit cake recipe with a twist… or two – Guaranteed to put you in the holiday spirit.

You’ll need the following: four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a
teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice,
nuts, and a bottle or two of rum.

Before you start, sample the rum to  check for quality. If it’s good, let’s get started.

Take a large bowl,  and a measuring cup. Check the rum again. To be sure it is the highest quality,  pour one level cup and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. Turn on the electric  mixer; beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one seapoon of thugar,  and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure the rum has retained it’s fine quality. Cry  another tup. Open a second quart if necessary.

Turn off the mixer. Break  two arge leggs, and add to the bowl, and chuck in the cup of fried druit. Mix on  the turner, and beat till high. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,  just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum to check for  tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of pepper or salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the rum. Now sift the lemon juice, and strain the nuts. Fold in  some chopped butter. Add one table. Spoon. Of brown thugar or whatever color you  can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 gredees. Don’t for  get to beat off the turner. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake. Feed to your goat. Check the rum again, and bo to ged.

What did Santa said to his wife?
It looks like rain dear.